Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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