He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
