You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
