okay pat passed out under dana's car
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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