My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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