she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize