take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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