whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
