you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
