I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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