I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
