well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
