great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
