I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
