I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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