Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
