im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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