this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
