My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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