I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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