At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
