Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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