I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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