The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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