somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
