He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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