Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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