You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
