So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
