Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
