one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
