im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
