Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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