i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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