Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
