my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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