so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
