I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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