Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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