John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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