I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
