the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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