Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
