I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
