She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
