I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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