I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
