If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
