Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
