he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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