Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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