i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
