My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
