just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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