clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
