I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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