What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
