i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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