True but thats because hes a fetus.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
