You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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