my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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