I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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