so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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