I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
