He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
