I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
