Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
