lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She told me I should be a condom model.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
