my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize