this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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