I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
