Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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